He picked me up. Took me to the zoo. Made it to a third date. And somehow still managed to become an unforgettable part of my dating history for reasons I wish he hadn’t. This story is definitely up there on one of the worlds worst dates.

Welcome back to the blog where love lives, dies, and occasionally reeks of church. With summer in full swing and my dating life still in hibernation, I’ve had front-row seats to the romantic escapades of others... from behind the bar.

I was watching Jurassic World with my mum when she, ever the romantic, turned to me and said, “You should find someone like Chris Pratt.” Oh sure, Mum. Let me just pop down to Tesco and see if there’s a charming, raptor training, emotionally available Chris Pratt hanging about by the meal deals. Great joke, honestly. Because if there’s one thing dating has taught me lately (or more accurately, the lack of dating), it’s that finding someone who’s even remotely an option to date feels about as likely as surviving a dinosaur attack in heels. You’re not fooling anyone, Bryce Dallas Howard!

I've entertained you with tales of my dates' epic fails, so it's only fair I turn the spotlight on my own blunders too, right? I know, it's hard to believe that a dating maestro like me could have any mishaps. But trust me, anyone who knows me will tell you I'm like a rom-com character minus the happy ending. Just a walking disaster with a splash of charm.

I love being single for many reasons. It's made me realize my self-worth and has encouraged me to love myself. But let's face it, being single comes with some pretty funny perks too. Here are just 5 of the many reasons it's great to be single, and why we should appreciate the time that we are!

Oh man, I can’t believe I forgot about this one. It’s honestly so bad I must have repressed it for my own sanity. But hey, you can thank my housemate for dragging it back into the light of day, asking, “Are you ever going to write about Risotto Boy?” Yes, Risotto Boy. Jess, you helped me survive this mess 8 years ago. This disaster's dedicated to you.

You think you’ve found someone normal. One minute you're sipping wine, sharing stories, and thinking, "Wow, this is going great!" and the next, you're worrying that your date is having some sort of medical emergency. This was the kind of date you look back on and think, "Ah, yes, I understand why you're single."

Dating apps are brutal. Judging people based on a photo and a short bio is shallow, but hey, that's the world of modern romance. And let's be honest, our thoughts while swiping aren't exactly Nobel Prize material either. I know I'm guilty of having some awfully judgmental thoughts pop into my head while scrolling through countless faces, as I'm sure others have about me. 

Have you ever met someone who seemed perfect the first time you met them, only to realise later that you might have been under some sort of temporary insanity? Like, was I drunk? Did I accidentally slip and give myself concussion? Or were they just really good at hiding their true, less-than-charming selves? It's like unwrapping a beautifully wrapped gift, only to find a half eaten mouldy sandwich inside.

I don't understand how men can say or do such shocking things and think it will work. Surely they have to have some sort of success ratio to even attempt it? Like the naked man on How I Met Your Mother but this is so much worse. I just can't imagine how any girl could find the following scenario appealing...

Welcome, my fabulous readers, to the unpredictable world of online dating! This week, I've had the pleasure (and pain) of chatting with a variety of characters, each bringing their own unique flavour to my dating apps. 

There are traits in people that you can learn to live with, some you might even come to love. But there are some that you absolutely can't. Kevin Hart once said, "People who eat with their mouth open should be punched in the face". Oh Kevin, I didn't realise how spot on you were. This is the devastating story of how I got my new first date question.